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Sunday, September 24, 2017

Sunflowers

I'm sitting at the LA airport waiting the eight hours until I can check my bags. I think I can safely say that one of the hardest parts of being a missionary is saying goodbye. Perhaps second only to the intense loneliness that comes afterwards... and lasts way too long. It just keeps happening and gets worse every time. When you are oceans away from family and friends you feel in 'limbo', like you are hanging between two different countries.

In the past five hours I have walked around, stretched, messaged friends, cried really hard in front of strangers walking past (twice), read my bible, and colored in my journal. God often talks to us only after we have waited on him and I've been waiting for a very long time. Just now, I thought he was telling me something about sunflowers but I couldn't quite make it out so I looked up sunflowers.

When sunflowers are young, they 'follow' the sun. Before it comes up in the morning, they are facing east, waiting for it to rise. As the sun moves across the sky, the flower's stem grows unevenly-faster on the east side-which tilts the flower to the west. At night, the stem grows unevenly as well, faster on the other side, so that by sunrise the flower is facing east again. With this flower's fascination with the sun, it's no wonder it starts to look like one.

So what's the spiritual lesson? If you want to be beautiful, if you want to look like Jesus, don't take your eyes off him. Live facing whatever light you have! In the seasons of life that feel dark, struggle through them rather than giving up. That way when the sun reappears you will already be facing it.

Because I am human, I will cry. I will continue to feel like my heart has been ripped apart and scattered all over the globe. But I will keep my face turned towards the light that I have, the pieces I am allowed to keep, the joys and people God has given me for the season I'm in. One day I will be in a place where there is no more darkness and all my loved ones will be in one place with me. I want to be ready when the time comes and bear the mark of Jesus in the meantime.